Gift giving within the team

Gift giving - it is a part of you

Back in the days, at the dawn of mankind, from Australopeticus, over Homo Ergaster and the Neanderthal, man has given each gifts.

Sometimes in the shape of shelter for the night, a particularly sharp piece of rock, a balanced spear, an amulet for the afterlife or safety from threats by staying within a group.

Homo sapiens dates back appr. 300.000 years. Our lineage is coded in our DNA, actually giving gifts has ensured the survival of our species.

Nowadays gifts come in many wrappings, shapes and sizes. A gift can be an act, a behaviour, an proclamed intention, but to a large extent it also holds a symbolic element. Never forget that the primary function of the gift is to establish a positive connection with another individual.

Gift giving within the team

Looking at the team dynamics through the lens of gift giving, a whole new world is revealed. A whole new set of possible explanations regarding conflicts, demotivation and lack of thriving.

Even more so, the psychology of gift giving can also solve the mysteries behind certain teams apparently unexplainable successes.

Effective team development with Ambitious Teams always has a sharp focus on the the partipants' awareness of the symbolic exchange of gifts.

As humans, we are ofte very conscious about the gifts we give to others. See, a gift is never just a gift, it always contains something of yourself. Marcel Mauss said this in his ground breaking reflections on gift giving in 1924: "the objects are never completely separated from the men who exchange them".

We stretch when giving gifts to others

The word "gift" itself reveals it's own complexity. A gift is something that is given to someone. It involves both a donator and a recipient. A gift cannot be, unless there is someone offering the gift. It becomes a gift because of the person giving. It entails that an action is also involved, stretching. "I stretch for you", is the thought of the gift giver, "so what do you have for me?"

Being a great and proactive team member involves having an empathic understanding of this net of intangible debt within a team.

• You give a gift, when you offer to help a colleague.
• You give a gift, when you listen to the stories of your colleague.
• You give a gift, when you work day and night to meet the deadines.

Common for all these gifts is that you stretch outside your comfort zone in the gift giving process, away from your own natural preferences, making space for your colleague.

No one will reveal this to you, partly because no one knows, but in the team you are constantly being measured on this level as a colleague:

1. the quality of your offered help
2. your authentic presence when listening to your colleague
3. your true efforts when working long into the night.

- was it beneficial for me, your colleague, or did you have ulterior motives?

The psychology of gift giving

You know the feeling. The feeling you experience when receiving a gift that you did not quite expect, nor really wanted. Yes, you are supposed to say thank you.

The psychology of gift giving bids you to play a role, to be grateful and pay back, at least with a smile and an approving nod. You now owe the gift giver, who, by the way, is of the same impression.

In Ambitious Teams we break down these false relations, this web of guilt, debt, expectations - we do not fake it. A gift is not worth more than the recipient decides.

Let us whipe the board and begin by telling our colleagues what gift we really want. It all begins with self-awareness and assumed responsibility.

Have you ever told your colleagues what gift you really wish for?